Dealing with the past
by herk227
Summary: The rest of the Avengers find out something about Phil's past and deal with it in their own way. Phil/Clint
1. Chapter 1

author's note: This takes place after "Moving in with the Family" and explores the reason behind Phil's extreme caution to open up about his relation. In continuity with most of my other Avengers fic (for full list see profile). The charities mentiones in this are real things, the bigot organisations are not, because why should we honor idiots by acknowledging them. The original working title was 'homophobia'

* * *

They were all hanging around the living area of the Avengers tower's common floor. Thor and Clint were playing Street fighter and although the console didn't request it, there was a lot of swinging the controllers around. Tony was chatting and emailing simultaneously with Pepper on his laptop. Natasha sat on one of the couches in a position, that couldn't possibly be comfortable for anyone but her, reading a book. Next to her sat Dr. Banner in companionable silence doing the same. Even Coulson was there in the background, officially just here to fetch himself a coffee and take a short break, but spending a little more time than strictly necessary watching Clint's Sakura beating up Thor's Ken. Steve had taken a place directly at one of the southwest windows, enjoying the incoming sunlight and sketching the peaceful scene before him.

All of his team gathered together without imminent threat to their lives or the world and no one was fighting. They had come a long way since they first had met and now even enjoyed each others' company when there was no strict need for them to be in the same room. Steve couldn't help but smile as he realized how much they had grown together, how much they had become family.

"Damn those fucking idiots!" Stark's voice cut through the room.

Everyone turned their heads to look at him – except Clint who used the opportunity to finish of the distracted Thor.

"What is it, Tony?" Steve voiced the question everyone was thinking.

"Small-minded, bigoted, primates all of them." The billionaire scientist turned towards his team mates. "You guys know, how we started the Avengers merchandise to help financing the repairs of Manhattan? And after that got taken care of we decided to channel the money into different charities?"

They all nodded. Between Tony's bank account, the patents held by him and Banner and the SHIELD funding they had no real need for more money and Steve outright refused to give his image for anything other than a pure cause anyway. So they had decided on a list of charities with each of them getting a vote and Pepper juggling the details.

"So some assholes decided they had a right to decide where WE put our money – you know for the sake of decency. Someone pointed out that we 'hid' value-endangering, anti-family organizations among real charities."

Steve furrowed his brow. "What are you talking about?"

"Obviously they found someone who could read and follow a link and explain to them, what HRC and the point foundation do and decided, that the Avengers as a whole are 'an unholy force' that has to be boycotted."

"You sound as if you're quoting," Clint pointed out with an amused grin. He obviously thought Tony's rant quite amusing.

"Don't you get angry?"

Clint shrugged. "There are idiots everywhere, Stark. If I'd get mad anytime I heard someone making an ass of himself, I'd have had multiple heart attacks by now."

Steve got the distinct feeling, that anyone in the room except him and Thor knew what Tony was talking about.

"I remember the HRC and the point foundation from the list – but I don't see a problem."

"That's because you're not some intolerant, fundamental Christian moron but pretty awesome, Cap."

Thor decided to speak up. He appeared to be quite concerned. "What seems to be the problem friend Stark? Why are these people thinking we endanger their families?"

Before Tony could break out into another tirade, Bruce took a pity and explained. "Both organizations have strong ties to the gay community. Sadly there are still people in this land who think anything sexual except a man and a woman joined in holy matrimony is sinful."

"Yeah – the same kind of people who think anything except missionary style will sent you straight to hell, rock music belongs to the devil and if you have to pay $6.66 you're doomed." Clint shook his head. "You really should try to see the humor in this Stark."

Tony pointed at his laptop. "You should see what kind of mail we get. Everyone should get angry about this kind of idiocy." He turned towards Bruce. "Except maybe you, pal – I don't want to redecorate again."

It spoke volumes of their friendship that Tony could blurt out something like this and Bruce's only reaction was a slightly embarrassed grin.

Natasha turned her attention back to her book. She mumbled: "People are stupid," with a shrug of her shoulders.

This seemed to be enough for Thor, who turned back to the plasma screen only to realize, that he had lost the battle. He frowned at Clint whose smug grin threatened to split his face.

Steve watched Coulson but couldn't find any unusual sign of tension. It seemed their handler had come to the same judgment as Agent Romanoff and had arranged himself with that fact long ago.

Without an audience Tony turned towards his laptop again studying his in-box – only to look up a few seconds later with a sparkle of amusement in his eyes. "You know you're right Clint – I shouldn't get angry. This one is actually quite funny." He turned towards Coulson who was still watching his lover over the edge of his cup of coffee. "I know that too much paperwork can lead to severe trauma and make you quite literally mad, but don't you think this is a bit schizophrenic, Phil?"

The SHIELD agent raised an eyebrow.

"This one is signed by P. Coulson of Christians pro-family, Brockton Ma."

Whatever reaction Stark had hoped for, seeing Phil Coulson turn and leave certainly wasn't it. He left without any fuss, his voice and face completely neutral as he stated: "I've got work to do." If he had gone faster one might have suspected that he fled.

The resulting silence was deafening. Everyone stared first at Stark and then in the direction of Barton.

"What the fuck was that about," Tony wanted to know.

It was fascinating to observe Clint. Steve as a painter had a sharp eye for subtle changes and there were a lot of those going on right now. The archer had been shocked upon hearing the name. His eyes shooting towards his lover, following him as he left. Other than Coulson, Barton didn't conceal his tension. At Stark's question he exchanged glances with Agent Romanoff before turning away to follow the other man. On his way out he told them: "His father's name is Peter."


	2. Chapter 2

author's note: Clint and Phil - d'aaaw - also Steve is awesome ^^

* * *

Clint reached Phil's office and knocked. The "Come in" sounded pretty normal so at least a part of the archer's tension ebbed away. He opened the door and entered finding Coulson behind his desk typing away on his laptop.

"Hey."

"Hey." Phil stopped typing and looked at him. He didn't look bad but the usual greeting smile was painfully absent.

Clint took a step into the room and closed the door behind him. "You okay?"

The older man took a moment to contemplate the question. "Yeah," he decided finally.

"So leaving and hiding behind your laptop..."

Phil let out a small sigh. "I'm okay – not good, but okay. I simply didn't have the nerve to talk this through with Stark."

Clint flinched. "Sorry."

"What for?" Phil's tone was mildly curious.

"When you left so abruptly, Tony asked what that was about and I kinda told him."

Coulson studied his sorrowful expression. "And everyone heard you I assume."

Barton nodded. "Tasha's there to keep it under control," he offered.

"Well she does have a better intuition, when it comes to tact."

Hawkeye looked like a kicked puppy. Phil got out from behind his desk and went over to him. He put a finger under his lover's chin and forced him to meet his eye.

"That's a mere statement of a fact not a criticism. I love your lack of tact."

"Most of the times."

"Most of the times," Coulson admitted with a small smile. He leaned in and put a light kiss on Clint's lips. "If I were really uncomfortable with Stark and the others noticing something, I wouldn't have left."

"So you're OK with them knowing?" Clint was surprised. They both were private people.

"Apparently. Believe me I'm as surprised as you, but things have changed. I'm obviously beginning to feel comfortable around our ragtag team of superheroes."

"Better be careful, Sir, or they might come to the conclusion, that you are actually human."

The familiar banter felt good, but Clint was still slightly worried, that Coulson had just subtly steered him away from the real issue.

"So the letter..."

This time Phil's smile reached his eyes as the small wrinkles told Clint. "Not so easily distracted, hmm? We might yet make a SHIELD interrogator out of you." His face grew serious again. "My father is a small-minded idiot. That's nothing new and the reason we haven't spoken in over 25 years. I'm not happy to see he hasn't changed, but I'm not particularly surprised either. And I'm 46 years old Clint – I don't need my father's approval for a happy and content life."

Hawkeye carefully studied the face before him to make sure his lover wasn't trying to bullshit him. There were very few people who would be able to tell the difference, but he prided himself in being one of them. When he was convinced that Coulson really meant it, he leaned in for another kiss.

"You are amazing, you know that?"

"You better not forget that." Phil turned towards his desk. "As much as I love having you here, I need to get some work done."

Clint's fingers brushed lightly against the skin of Coulson's neck, just between his hair and the collar of his suit. "You sure?"

Phil had an extraordinary self-control. He didn't turn around and jump Clint on the spot. He didn't even show signs of a shiver running through him as a reaction to the husky sound of his lover's voice. But Clint could feel the the tiny hairs under his fingertips standing up in response to his touch, betraying goosebumps.

"If you don't want me to spend half the night on paperwork ignoring you later, Agent Barton, then yes I am sure."

The archer sighed. Phil always was the responsible one. His thumb put just the right amount of pressure on Coulson's neck to remind him, that Clint was 'there'.

"Later then," he promised as he drew his hand away.

"Later," Phil agreed and although Barton couldn't see his face, he could practically hear the fond smile gracing his lover's lips.

D*W*T*P

One and a half hour later Phil's work was interrupted.

"Agent Coulson?" Steve showed none of the shyness he sometimes displayed. There was a quiet determination about him that told Phil that he wouldn't be able to distract the man from whatever mission he had set for himself.

"Captain Rogers – what can I do for you?"

"We had a talk."

Coulson leaned back, waiting for where Rogers was heading.

"I'm sure you're glad to learn, that Natasha managed to stop Tony from starting a crusade in your name."

Phil nodded. He was relieved that Agent Romanoff was on his side.

"But we all agreed, that we couldn't let this slide."

Coulson wanted to protest, but Steve's hand came up in a silencing gesture.

"And not just because of you Agent Coulson. As your friends we would love to respect your wishes, but this isn't just about you. What these people are doing is wrong. Their behavior is ruining lives. I think it's important that we as the Avengers take a stand – make our position known. Being a hero isn't just about fighting alien invasions it's about doing the right thing."

Even after living and working with Captain America for months now, Phil couldn't help but being impressed with the man's absolute integrity. At least he had his inner fan-boy under enough control nowadays that he was able to have a more or less normal conversation with Steve Rogers.

"So you've basically already decided and are just here to inform me?" Coulson's smile was amused and friendly, he didn't want the Captain to think that he was seriously annoyed. Steve's answering smile was equally warm and a little devious.

"I've had an idea but it would require your OK."

"I'm listening."


	3. Chapter 3

Phil Coulson didn't like being in the spotlight. He avoided it at every possible opportunity. So it wasn't out of the ordinary, that he watched the latest Avengers' press conference from behind the curtains.

So far everything had gone more smoothly than expected. There were quite a few critical voices but it seemed that even the most self-righteous bigot was on his best behavior when talking to Captain America. Steve's presence also stopped Tony from telling those people what he really thought about them in clear words – averting a PR disaster.

"You as the Avengers have a responsibility. What kind of role model are you if you promote family threatening groups?"

"Mr Coulson from Massachusetts, right?" The man in the audience nodded. He couldn't know that Steve Rogers had basically waited for him to say something. "We've got your letter Mr Coulson and as always we took the concerns brought to us very serious. After all where would America be today if it wasn't for our family values?"

There was a lot of aggressive nodding among the more conservative members of the audience. The Avengers had specifically invited spokesmen of the most notorious right-wing organizations and people who had voiced their concerns in more or less rude e-mails. They had never intended to give this specific press conference before an easy crowd. Others in the audience – among them the professional journalists – simply waited in silence for the Captain to make his point.

"I've got a good friend, Mr Coulson. He has served his country for many years, first as a soldier, then as a CIA agent and finally as a member of SHIELD. There are at least two members of the Avengers who wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for him. I checked his file and he has personally saved thirty-seven lives over the course of his career, not counting the lives saved in or because of missions he's led. By all accounts his family should be proud yet they haven't spoken a word with him since he was eighteen.

His list of commendations and decorations is as long as my arm still his parents can't get over the fact, that Phil is gay.

Does that seem like good family values to you, Mr Coulson?

Do you think I should listen to a man's opinion on these values who disavows his own son and denies his existence or should I side with a man who has never as long as I've known him been unfair to anyone and has always done his best to protect his friends, his country and the innocent?

If anyone here thinks that sexual orientation has anything to do with a man's worth or his morals and values – I can only pity you. In my life I have known a lot of men, some good, some bad, some neither and I only ever judge them by their deeds not by who they are sleeping with."

A stunned silence settled over the room after Steve Rogers had finished. None of the assembled had expected such clear words.

From behind the curtains Phil listened. The following Q&A was interesting insofar as Captain Rogers actually managed to keep control. Usually this kind of discussion got heated pretty quickly, but although Steve felt strongly about the topic himself, he kept to the facts and avoided polemics, always hoping to reach through to someone. Coulson was too much of a realist to believe it likely. Still it felt good to witness this conference. Not because of his father's involvement or his humiliation as Phil's achievements were flung into his old man's face – he honestly was over it and knew his own worth independently of others' opinions – but because hearing Captain America call him his friend still warmed his heart.

D*W*T*P

Clint was deeply satisfied on Phil's account seeing all this bigots and especially Coulson Sr. getting lectured about decent human behavior by Cap.

He left the stage silently as Steve wrapped the conference up and slipped out the back. Knowing the tower the way he did he managed to catch Peter Coulson on his own as the man tried to leave the building. Most people would be startled maybe even frightened if they found their way abruptly blocked by Agent Barton dressed in black and wearing his sunglasses, but this man simply looked at him disapprovingly. All of a sudden Clint knew where Phil had his unflappable-ness from.

"So you're another one of Phillip's 'friends'. Did you come to convince me what a good man he is, hoping for a teary family reunion?"

Clint snorted. "I wouldn't want someone like you in Phil's life, just came to satisfy my curiosity. I know a thing or two about shitty relatives and the sad thing is you don't even qualify in the top percentage. Still you're an asshole."

The man looked as him with eyes hard and cold as steel. "Why because I can't live with the fact, that my own flesh and blood chose to live his life in sin? Because I know what is unnatural and am not afraid to call it as I see it?"

A very loud and insistent part of Clint wanted to punch this man in the face. The only thing that stopped him was the fact that he knew Phil wouldn't approve.

"Well at least now I know that I can spare myself the trouble of asking you for your son's hand in marriage." The shocked expression on Peter Coulson's face was priceless. Clint enjoyed this maybe a little too much. "Would have been nice though – very traditional with the parents' blessing and all."

There was one thing he had to give Phil's Dad: Not many people kept their control when faced with Clint Barton's patented shit-eating grin. Hawkeye wriggled his eyebrows suggestively which finally did the trick. Peter Coulson fled.

Clint took his sunglasses off and shook his head. Only after the guy was gone he realized that he wasn't alone. It was a subtle thing but he was pretty sure that he was being watched and since he wasn't feeling uncomfortable about it his subconsciousness was obviously certain it was either Phil or Nat.

"Are you planning on coming out or are we pretending you're not there?"

Coulson stepped out of the shadows. "When I realized you'd slipped away I was a bit worried."

"Worried?"

"Let's just say I'd rather not see the headline 'Avenger breaks nose of Christian activist.' Although I have to admit it was kind of hot to see you defending my honor."

Clint smiled and let Coulson draw him into a kiss. "So how long have you been listening?"

The emotion contained in Phil's eyes was incredible. "Long enough," he told him softly.

"Damn I really wanted to surprise you. I had planned this romantic dinner under the starlit sky, going down on my knees and everything."

"Well it's broad daylight and no food in sight, but..."

Clint recognized a prompt when he heard one. He took a step away from Phil and knelt down without letting go of his lover's hand.

"Phillip Joshua Coulson, ex-Seal, ex-CIA, senior agent of SHIELD and superhero-babysitter extraordinaire, wearer of the black belt and the purple paperclip – Will you marry me?"

They never told anyone that Phil's eyes had a suspicious wet gleam to them as he said "Yes."


	4. Chapter 4

Clint and Phil met the team the next morning. Unusually for them, they all more or less coincidentally got together over breakfast. Thor and Steve both had enormous bowls of sugar pops and ate in silent concentration while Tony on his second cup of coffee just became awake enough to tease everybody. Bruce looked from his herbal tea to Barton and furrowed his brow. The archer's grin threatened to split his face in two. Knowing Clint's sense of humor Dr Banner found this quite disconcerting.

"What's so amusing?"

Almost everyone now looked at Hawkeye. Bruce wasn't exactly a morning person and not very talkative at the best of times, so if he said something the Avengers tended to listen. Clint on the other hand just grinned even wider and didn't say a word.

Tony shrugged. "He's just screwing with you, Bruce. That's Barton's 'I'm happy, content and well-fucked'-face combined with provoking grin number five."

"No," Natasha chimed in, "number five was the one on Thursday. This one is new." Her eyes hadn't even looked at Hawkeye for the last couple of minutes. She had concentrated on Phil since the two of them had entered the kitchen area.

Steve paused eating and studied Phil and Clint with friendly interest. "So what is going on?"

Barton turned to his lover. "Traditionally it's your job to tell them."

"Traditionally I would unsubtly play with my hand in their line of sight until they noticed what was different."

Before Clint could say something, Natasha commented. "There is nothing unusual about your hands."

"I just wanted to convey the point that we're not very traditional." Phil looked at Clint and smiled.

Thor crunched on his cereal, the only one of their friends currently not _totally_ focused on his own curiosity.

Hawkeye's mouth twitched. "Don't you _want_ to tell them?"

Tony thought he might burst if things wouldn't progress soon. "For crying out loud Barton, I thought you knew better than to provoke your boyfriend."

"Fiance," Coulson corrected mildly.

Everyone stopped eating respectively drinking and just stared for a moment.

"Clint asked me yesterday." Phil held the archer's hand in his and gently caressed the strong, callused fingers.

"Ever since he said yes, he's all cuddly."

Tony was the first who found his voice again. "Teddy-bear Coulson – I like it. So the next time, Agent gets all annoyed at me for something I just have to propose."

Bruce shook his head. "Maybe it works on Pepper, too."

"This calls for a feast!" Thor declared while putting his bowl of cereal on the table with a loud clunk.

Steve in his usual open, sincere and unassuming way just smiled and said "Congratulations."

"Yeah – mazel tov," Bruce agreed.

Tasha didn't say a word but Phil and Clint both saw something in her face they had seldom seen before: pure, unfiltered, uncontrolled, honest, direct emotion. The Black Widow letting them see the joy behind her shields.

"So when is the big day going to be?"

"We haven't decided yet, Tony."

"What?! You were asked yesterday Coulson, I would have assumed that the seating arrangements were made, the flowers ordered and the invitations at the printer by now."

"Contrary to popular belief, Phil is able to relax every once in a while," Clint explained.

"Thanks."

"Have you thought about the where yet," Bruce asked.

"The Helicarrier," Tony declared, "I can see Agent already walking over the landing deck in a beautiful white dress up to where Hawkeye is waiting next to Director Fury who is ready to hold the ceremony."

"We are not going to marry on the landing deck of the Helicarrier." Any normal person wouldn't have thought it necessary to clarify that, but Phil knew better since he met Tony Stark.

"Not even if it's in flight? You are missing out there."

Clint fought hard not to laugh at Tony's pout.

"What about the traditional hunt of the trolls?"

Bruce turned to the Asgardian god. "Trolls? Why would you hunt trolls?"

"Troll hair is famous for boosting fertility, so the more you can kill in the hunt before the wedding night, the better."

"Ahem – Thor? I think they are fine without that particular tradition," Steve gently explained.

The norse god grinned a bit sheepishly. "Aye – I know. But troll hunting is fun."

Phil leaned over to Clint. "Why did we tell them again?"

Clint's "Because they are our friends," was drowned out by Tony's shout of "Dips on organizing Barton's bachelor party."


End file.
